End of March

Another month of the new year is down. And in some aspects it's been the best i could ask for, in others not so much. The month definitely started out on a nice high note, excluding the flu thingy. And it stayed pretty level for the most part for the rest. But now it's tapering off into moody-ville.

I know alot of it has to do with moving, and jobs, and the prospect of beginning to plan a wedding. and a dash of this and that in there too. things that i would love to vent about right now, but things I'm not much in a position to at the moment. all i can do is wait it out, cross my fingers, and pray. everything will turn out OK. its just letting myself relax until then. i had read in a book the other day that it was suggested to the main character to start doing drugs to stop being uptight. its a thought. haha. jk.

in general though i wouldn't say much has happened. Ive become such a recluse. but Ive learned that i have some issues i need to deal with. so perhaps my reclusiveness will be helpful.

I'm terribly much in the mood for writing so ill leave this short.

i did however crochet a ball this evening. yay me. i was just practicing. its been a while since Ive crocheted. now our new cat has his very own homemade ball to play with. (the new cat adopted us recently and he is the most affectionate animal ever and has been through a thousand names until we settled on Sammy)

so that's it. otherwise it will be complete non-sense soon.

Sharing Time

I can't wait to move. I am drowning in crap. Crap to the left of me...crap to the right of me....and here i am...stuck in the middle. I am by either nature or nurture a pack rat. and i can't wait to move so that i can throw out unneeded things (with the help of the fiance) and organize from the ground up. Unfortunitly, a move date is not set. still looking for a job or hoping for a transfer.

but in the mean time i'm trying to do a little bit of craftiness when i can. kinda hard considering the clutter. but i will be making my apron with in the next week. and from there we will see. i'm going to have to start getting rid of some stuff on ebay soon. just odds and ends passed around books and such. maybe some of my scrapbooking things.

but first i wanted to share a link for anyone looking for quilting fabric. First, i have to say i have yet to order from them as i'm broke right now(i need new tennis shoes B-A-D). so i can't vouch for quality, but i can vouch for price and selection. so go have a look.

http://www.connectingthreads.com/

there's also a coupon for 5.96 in a few quilting and sewing magazines. which is like getting a yard free.

Life Lesson and Spring

In the past I've always been somewhat impartial to spring. It was my second favorite season, but more by default than anything. I hate summer. Winter has its moments of calm. Autumn just effing rocks. But this year spring seems to be pushing ahead in the race.

I was explain to my fiance a couple of months ago how much i was looking forward to spring. how life just seems so open right now and how i am genuinely happy for the first time in a very long time. I can't explain it really, my emotions and feelings towards life, other than to say it is similar to the way nature views spring. My fiance summed it up and explained that I'm "in the spring of my life". That i have hit that new beginning stage.

and inside I'm all rainbows and butterflies and fresh green grass between your toes.

however, recently things have been rough. i guess it the frost of my life. a bunch of stress and "how's" and "whatifs" and such. and I'm not the only one dealing with the crappiness of life at the moment. it gets overwhelming and hard to keep any focus on anything positive.

so the other day i picked up another book. probably one of about five i am reading at the moment. I'm reading Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamont. I'm no where near finished with it. but the first or second chapter really hit a note in me. the kind that turns light bulbs on and re- centers your world. She's talked about how it's not faith in God that is hard to come by but the waiting on God that is the killer. And its true. We want a vending machine answer to out prayers. Please press G6 for a new car, A3 for happiness. ploop boom there you go.

That's not what got to me though. It was when she was talking about the ability to let go. We think of letting go in only of terms of people and habits that are bad for us. But the things that our bad for us run deeper than that. She had used the visual with young kids to demonstrate her point.... she held two markers, one in each hand and asked the kids that if she wanted to get something to drink what she would have to do. Well, she would have to put them down...let go of them. Because if you keep holding on to something you aren't even allowing yourself the place or ability to grab onto something new. and i have realized with with my negative stressful attitude. granted i can't really control anxiety attacks and i can't immediately change my way of thinking i have at least finally understood that things won't get better if i keep gripping on to these negatives in my life, my worries, like the jaws of life. and yeah when i finally uncurl my fingers from their grips and loosen out the cramps and knots in the muscle there will be a time when i won't be holding on to anything. and that's when i need to learn to deal with the waiting. because as long as i learn to wait and not fall back into the habit of holding on to things then i am giving myself the opportunity.

so the lesson of the story is that you can only hold on for so long, afterwards give to God and let him deal with it and have patience

Trip Part 2

So before I can go any farther i feel like I need to finish the trip. The rest of the trip was nice. again didnt get to do nearly everything we wanted to.

So, we drove in to Maryland and stoped by my brother's house. my sister in law was home with my newest nephew who i had yet to meet at that point. daniel and i hung around and talked for a bit then m brother came home. made plans to have dinner with them and the kids on friday.

starving at this point we drove over to Ikea. Daniel had never been to one and where we both live right now the closest is in Atlanta. So before we stroled around we grabbed some of the best swedish meatballs ever. he loved them too. i knew he would.

then we started to wander...but oh noes, apparently i still wasn't feeling too well and me and my tummy weren't getting along. so in the end we didn't get to see it the way you are supposed to...you know spending five hours walking around and such.


visited one of my oldest friends, Nancy, one i have known since i was 12. her daughter is a nut. did a bit of shopping then we went up to my friend's house that we were staying at and pretty much crashed for the night. the next day we did alot of driving around seeing what had changed and showing off my schools and such. went and had a little semi picnic at fox hill pond staring at the bridge and water. walking back to the car i lost my shoe to a muddy little sucking. i though it was funny. we drove some mores and then had dinner with my brother and his family talking with the kids. it was nice.

and then we went back and hung out around a fire pit with my friend, Kelly, and her husband and a couple drinks. it was a good way to end the evening. every free moment we were playing with Kelly's baby, a beautiful little girl just under a year. between my niece and nephews and my friend's kids this was the first time i saw daniel with kids. and i have to say i'm pretty happy he's going to be fathering kids with me one day.

so thats our trip. my first one with my love. and the best i could have asked for minus the sick. not much to it but it was fun. i really feel like we need a month off to do everything up there we want to. i don't think i could ever live in Maryland again, but it was my home for more than have my life so far and i have alot of roots there.

Happies (trip part one)

So I meant to do this update a couple of weeks ago but between being sick and letting it all sink in i haven't had the chance.

Daniel and I went up to DC for his birthday March 3rd. We left later than had planned due to me being sick. But he was wonderful and drove most of the 8 hour trip giving me time to rest a bit more. plus I'm horrible to deal with when sick. We made it in DC around 730 or so. Then my brother and his girlfriend took us to dinner, grabbed a pizza at one of those over priced yuppish places. but it was damn good so it was worth it. The next day we woke up and left the house around 11ish to do a bit of sight-seeing with intentions to make it the Jefferson memorial. we got lunch in a cafeteria, found the metro and hopped on. when we got off at L'Efante Plaza we headed for the escalators and i froze. i had forgotten how tall the escalators are in DC and being that I'm deathly afraid of going up them, and haven't had to force myself in sometime (this part of the south doesn't really have second storeys to be in need of them) i freaked. i froze and immediately went into a panic. and this is why i love Daniel. he didn't give me crap. he said we could look for an elevator, which metro elevators are tiny and stinky. we then emerged to the surface again and i calmed.

we found out the Jefferson was farther than planned and with me still being the recovering sicky decided to walk around the mall and go to a museum. we started off walking around the hershborn sculpture gallery. he went to sit down on a bench but i thought it better it go for the concrete wall since it was a cold and windy day ( i got to see snow for the first time in four years) so we sat and talked a bit. then he looked at me and asked if i wanted my gift. silly really since it was his birthday the next day and not mine, but I'm a girl I'm all for gifts...esp ones if been waiting days for cause I've been told its lurking around.

so i was told to close my eyes, and when i was allowed to open them there was Daniel on one knee with a beautiful engagement ring. he asked if i would marry him at which point i immediately started to cry and shake my head up and down unable to form a word. i was told later i said i will. we took some pictures and i cried some more.

afterwards, we went over the American history museum. which was fun. we got to see the flag that inspired the star spangled banner, Oscar the grouch, Kermit the frog, beautiful old cars, and Lincoln. then we kinda got kicked out. closing time. it was unfortunately the only museum we hit. next time we have to plan to be in dc longer and get up earlier and be less sick. but nothing will change how great that day was.

we started to head back to the metro. i called my parents and let them know. they already knew, Daniel had asked my dad for permission. ^_^ my mom asked me what i said. i told her i wasn't called to tell her i said no. then we hopped on the metro with everyone else heading home from work. the fun. made it back to my brother's place. him and his girlfriend took us to Wok and Roll in Chinatown to celebrate. pretty good food. my fortune cookie said "your newest venture will be a success"

so needless to say I've been running on a high for the past couple of weeks. constantly admiring my ring. getting use to saying fiance and not boyfriend. enjoying being upgraded. and marveling at the man who will be my husband. and trying to figure out how to be the best wife.


next part of the trip was maryland and family. but i'll save that for the next post.

Once was too much, twice is just down right unfair

i'm getting over my second flu this year. i feel horrible cause i had to call out of my jobs for the weekend, the weekend before my boyfriend and i go to dc. which never looks good. however, i was forced to go to work sat morning, and left about an hour later covered in tears and on the verge of passing out. i had a fever of a 102 and my temp usually runs around 96.7 i was tired and delirious. needless to say it sucked. i barely even got on line. mostly i was just a lump. my fever broke sat night and i have started to progressively feel better.
we had to postpone our trip cause of my illness and the snow. but we will hopefully be leaving in the morning. i cant wait. i just feel horrible cause even now im still sick and wont be able to do as much as we had hoped for. i know we will have other chances with some many friends and family up there but this is the first time im going with him.

im mostly phlegm at this point, eww i know.

i'm uber excited still. i get to play tour guide and see how much has changed.

but i still feel like crap. packing right now seems way too overwhelming. actually taking a shower seems too overwhelming. needless to say im still sick. maybe sleeping in the car all day tomorrow will help.


well back to slowly making progress in the packing.