UPS AND DOWNS

One day i feel better the next not so much.
i worked last night and while there found out that our hours will be changing from 9-9 during the week to 10-8. that's the way things are going now. a little over a month ago i had cut myself down to one day a week, and now I'm getting cut an hour. i don't think it's long until i get cut fully. wish we closed at 8 last night though.

i had to be at work a little earlier this morning due to the end of year crap. so now I'm exhausted.

apparently, i got my mom into baking. she'd trying to make dough with the bread machine. and i came home to her trying to cook crab rangoon. but she didn't get sweet and sour sauce. and they aren't too sweet themselves. ehh, first try.

quick update

i feel infinitely better today, but still not good. i can think...somewhat. it just sucks cause i haven't done anything this week. unless you count restless, nightmare riddled sleeping.

i want to start a project, but i need to clean and plan a bit before i can. and in all honesty i know i need at least two more days to fully recover unless i want to end up with the yuck again.

it just amazes me how many people are ending up sick. and not just in my immediate area.

orange juice and chicken broth have been my friends. i need some sleep.

I've got the YUCK

so i woke up yesterday morning with my tooth hurting. my thoughts, great, i can't afford this right now. but i realized i needed to go to the dentist for my 6 months anyway. i call and make an appointment for today. sadly, i haven't been to the dentist in over a year. i had an appointment for this time last year, and had to cancel due to be sick and just never rescheduled. shortly after making my appointment yesterday my throat starts to get a bit scratchy. i keep trying to ignore it, pretending I'm OK. day goes on it gets a bit worse. nah, I'm fine i say to myself.

I'm not fine! i woke up this morning and feel like crap. i had to cancel my appointment and will have to reschedule when i feel better. i actually, love going to the dentist too. i always get so upset about not being able to go. then i think about the fact that my birthday is next week and it seems like I'm always sick for it, at least since i was twelve.

so i slept yesterday evening. i left work early today and slept away the afternoon thanks to some medication. i feel like a zombie. ambling about with minimum control over my limbs randomly bumping into things. my heads stuffed up with so much mucus and such there is no room in there for anything else. not a single solitary thought.

i feel like crap.

PHOTOS ARE FUN

I thought i would put up a couple of photos from my weekend. nothing to exciting.

first my beautiful new PINK stone mixing bowl!!! it's love.

then my new cereal bowl....i really do have a problem with buy one or two pieces of dinnerware at a time. i think enough mis-matched things it won't matter anymore

.

lastly, here are some animals, cause they are cute and everyone loves animals.

there were a whole bunch of red winged black birds, i caught this one seed in mouth

when i went outside to try to take more picture the cat snuck out. which he's usually afraid of being outside, but he's been a little funny since he started to lose weight. (how bad is it when a cat is weight loss inspiration?)

and this cute little guy is a fox squirrel.

F*CK

despite just writing a nice heartfelt, destressing, free writing post and having it saved....it's gone. all cause of my effed up computer connection. i'll try again later i'm too pissed to try now.

Surrounded by cute

I really need to get off my ass and do laundry and clean a little. but i keep getting distracted by ETSY!!!!!!

i have found these adorable fabrics...and i want them all. totaly not happening, but i want to get one of the glittery mushrooms or alice in wonderland japanese fabrics. they are cute cute cute.

lunch, laundry, trash pick. then i'll come back

Yawn..

I'm pretty happy right now, changing the background, it's nice. thanks to the makers, please go there and see them they are wonderful.

i have alot i want to say right now. however, some things i'm a bit hesitant about and it's 1:30 in the morning, so it's probably not my best interest to trust my judgement right now.

my boyfriend and i are heading up to the dc area in march. i'm super excited about it. we are going up for his birthday day and we both want to do the whole tourist thing. but in addition to that there's so much i want to show him. i grew up in maryland, lived there for over twenty years so there is soooo much to share. we are going to be exhuasted by the time we come home. i wish we could go up for a month.

sometimes i get really homesick for that area. i'm not happy in the city i live in, and i'm excited about the city i'm moving to. but nothing will ever take the place of my homestate. with that said though, there's no way i would want to live there for an extendant period ever again. it's been just over four years since i last lived there, and i know alot has changed. and when you are away from some place that has changed it's harder to deal with it. plus i'm homesick for the people. for the lack of responsiblty. last time i lived there i was much younger and at a much different stage of my life than i am now. but we all seem to romantize the past. sometimes i look at my homesickness for that place and time of my life in the same light as craving for cigarettes. we tend to gloss over the bad. but now i want to share all those fond memories i had at one point there with my boyfriend.

i'll put up some pictures tomorrow. just random stuff

YUCK

i just took some fish oil pills and now i taste fish, this isn't the first time either. i'm gonna look up the cost of nordic naturals, ive always heard they are good.

Down Down

uhg uhg uhg. i feel like crap. ive been on the verge of an asthma attack for the last two days, and keep getting these stabbing headaches. i had one for four days. and now i just get the short ones that feel kinda numb afterwards. im chalking it all up to stress right now.

ive really started to love blogger and flipping through all the peoples pages. esp the foods. mm mmm

Scary Story

Ah ok so i finished Promise Not to Tell and i have to say it was a very good book. at this point im just pleased that it was short read so that i could knock it out quickly and not deal with the fright for too long. for some damn reason im skittish and things are affecting me more.

but as for the book its essentially a ghost story and who done it. for me if i concentrated on trying to find out who the child killer was it was easier to deal. in general i have to recommend this book. its not nearly as scary as i make it out to be. and i would love to say more about it but fear giving anything away.

ps. beat the first boss in zelda ^_^

Bad Me

i didnt write at all yesterday. oops. poo on me. between zelda and this book i haven't done much of anything.
i'm reading promise not to tell by jennifer mcmahon. its a pretty good read. but its about a little dead girl that was murdered haunting. and you know what, sometimes im a bigger chicken shit then others. im all edgy and crap so its kinda getting to me.

its reminded me of the episode of friends were joey put the shinning the freezer cause it scared him. not sounding like a bad idea right now. i hate when i get this way.

AHH

My bread is yummalicous. mmmm mm. i made one with italian herbs in it and its gooood. I sewed up the hole in my body pillow. not the prettiest but my stuffing won't be hitting me in my sleep. next is my blanket. ill try for better quality on that one, ofcourse i won't be doing it while i wait for some wax to cool down so i won't have to rush.
that's two things down, a bazillion to go.



for now i'll just enjoy the rest of my evening. some oolong tea now. some wine later and some more reading.

Day two of NOM

We have finished up one loaf already. It was just as wonderful the second day. Right now I am letting the rest of the douhg rise. I made two more loaves and four sandwich rolls. the rolls are an experiment, i have about three minutes left until i put them in the oven. depending on if they got too big or not. it's all trial and error at this point.

MMMMM, NOM NOMMIE

I am so proud of myself. I have baked two wonderful, chewy, crusty, warm loaves of bread tonight. and here are a few pictures of the adventure.

My two molded loaves.

and here they are cut.

crispy in the oven getting ready to be pulled out that is the broil pan underneth that you put water in for the steam baking

Aren't they cute ? ^_^

FRESH BAKED BREAD!!!!!!!! its great.

I used the master recipe in the book i had gotten the other day Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day, and i was very easy and simple. I just didn't pay attention at some points. But that is my fault not the books. and the bread came out great despite my screw up.

on a side note this is the first time i have uploaded multiple pictures and it was a bit of challenge and took several tries. if anyone has any adivce let me know please

Doom was Correct

i just finished mixing up my dough. about half way through i heard my phone go off a couple of times so i went to grab it. by the time i came back, i had forgotten how many cups of flower i put in. since it was a little on the wet side my father and i thought i needed one more cup. only after i had put the dough in the fridge and cleaned up did i read the part saying that the dough was to be wet and conform to its container. which is was not anymore. oops. the past couple of weeks i have been horribly forgetful. this time it will actually affect something. so i put a bit more water in just to try to fix my error. we will see i guess.

let me state for the record right now. i have never been taught to cook. its a learning process for me an my boyfriend has been pretty helpful. my absence of domestic abilities is what is pushing me right now to learn. at some point I'll share my view on all that.

Gloom and Doom

It's one of those pretty grey, gonna rain at some point days. the kinda where all you want to do is snuggle. since i can't snuggle instead I'm baking bread!!! yay. I'm so proud of myself. this will be my first loaf. so sad. 27 years of life and never have i made a loaf of bread. what is the world coming to.
also on the list to do today. me nails. i haven't in a long long time. i miss having a girly friend to do all those stupid cutesy things with. but there's a hole there I'm not sure when it will get filled.
so about a month ago i went down to one day a week at my part time job. i was just too over worked and tired. but the bad thing is i really miss the people i work. not to mention i feel like I'm losing my place there. and if i am i have no one to blame but myself. I'm the one who pulled back from them when i cut back my hours. but i had to. Le sigh.

off to hunt the baking stone.

Couldn't not write today

I just figured out something new with the labellings. I'll fix it tomorrow.

I've been really stressed out lately. one major issue in that has been resolved, so that's good. but I've still had a headache for over four days now. and extreme exhaustion. but the tummy bug is gone.

i was informed at work yesterday that I'm getting a new manager. they are apparently trading out a few department mangers. not that i have the best manger in the world, but i know what to expect out of her and i dread who might be placed there. I'm not even going into the other issues brought up by this. but needless to say it's making work that much more miserable. i really need to try to figure out what I'm going to do job wise when i move. Ive been told it's near impossible to get full time status on a transfer right now. and the thought of starting with a new company the way things are going is scary.


also, it just dawned on me, i have a four year warranty on my computer that i bought from circuit city. what happens to that with them closing? i guess that's another call i have to add to my list for tomorrow.

i got cake flour and yeast today. along with almond extract and vanilla. i didn't realize how expensive almond extract was. boo. one of my next two days off I'm going to try out the master recipe from the Artisan Bread book and make a strawberry sponge cake. mmmmmmmmmmmm.

now to stop clenching my jaw.

First Try

I had rice balls tonight out of sushi rice. i was a bit more strachy than i thought, perhapes a quick wash won't make it too unstrachy. i tried making some blue ones too. ill be trying to prefect this, then i'll take pictures. probably post them monday.

i got so wrapped up in zelda tonight i completely lost track of time and i have to work in the morning :(

a lame day

today has been fairly uneventful. im still stressing, possibly a bit more each day. i ended up leaving work early cause i haven't been feeling well since last night. and i called into my second job. i hate doing that since i went downt to just one day a week. just happens this week im sick that one day. so instead im sitting around playing mario cart. my eyes have gotten that glazed over can see through anything to see the screen look. its been a while since ive been that involved in a game. next up is zelda twilight princess. you know i was thinking, and i would like to some how get a couple of game characters incorperated into a tattoo. of course i have a few before that that i want to get and dont have the money for.
im so out of it. i cant think. its like a mild amnesia. i remember something but when i go to reach for it in my mind its like its been moved or hidden. le sigh. game time.

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

wii's are great! its wonderful playing it and thinking "geez, we went from space invaders to this?" hell, we still have the old caleco vision system,in storage.
I've been playing wii sports and I'm pretty addicted to the bowling, tennis, and boxing. though the latter two I'm still trying to get the hang of. we figure a couple more bowling games and the wii totally pays for itself.
now granted, the wii is no replacement for actually going and doing these things. but really, its amazing how much work it is.

games=good technology

LLama Video

this is mostly just a test at uploading videos. this video is from the last time i went to the zoo. i had taken my parents since they had never been. my dad ended up exciting one llama and making the other jealous in the process. i wish i had taped it all. the second video is better in some was cause its the llamas fighting kinda afterwards. i might upload it later.

Nighty Night

It's been a long day.
Again, me luvs the wii!!!

It was my books at the door yesterday.

- Birds in the Hand: Fiction and Poetry about Birds
- Driving with Dead People
- Face Food: The Visual Creativity OF Japanese Bento Boxes (i'll go ahead and say it now, i wasnt that impressed by this one. it had some good pictures in it, but the book was much smaller then expected and there was no instruction-perhapes i had the wrong expectations)
- Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith
- Mortician's Daughter
- I Promise Not to Tell
- The Ladies of Grace Adieu ( i already have this but i really couldn't pass up the hardcover for 1.74)
- Virago Book of Erotic Myths and Legends
- Tamar: Unveiled
- Kanji: pict-o-graphix

all that and i only paid 30 yay me!!

Tomorrow, I am trying something new and will try to load up a video from the last time i went to the zoo.

Sleep now. Sweet dreams!!!!

HA HA WHO WHO

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES I DID IT!!!!!!!




so i know they arent terribly impressive, but i did get the blogger/picasa/blogthis thing fixed.




now to figure out how to do layout set up with them right

Still Trying

Yeah...im getting a little bonkers here. this whole trying to set up picasa with the blog is causing issues. to the point that its slightly affecting my blog. crosses fingers that it doesnt get worse.

bonus, we have a new wii to play with. so that keeps me distracted :D which is really good since people are pissing me off left and right. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. later for that. wii for now. hahahahahahahahahahahaha

GRRRR

ive been trying for the last hour or so to upload photos from picasa to blogger via the "blogthis" button. it's saying i don't have a blog assocaited with this account. yet here i am, blogging on it. im a bit agravated and too tired to try to figure out what the problem is. in general though i really like the new picasa. it took me a while to finally download it again but im happy.

the bird came in the house again, this time there were picture taken. nothing great.

if anyone knows what i may be doinf wrong with the blogger issue, please contact me.

Tweet Tweet

Today, thus far has been better than the last. However, it's a cold wet gloomy day. The kind where you want to be curled up inside goofing off with someone.
So 6 somthing this morning im leaving the house. I go to turn the light off next the front door. and there is bird poop above the switch, inside the house. we don't have a bird!!!. so i assume its from the one living in the wreath. the actual logistics of how it ended up in the house eludes me.
but, then i came home from work to find out that the bird was still in the house. ironically, it was a house wren. it would seem he didn't want to stay out in the cold last night and snuck in when the dog went out to pee. giggles. it cheered my day.

aside from that, oh i think i hear he ups man *crosses fingers* please have me books!!
umm yeah anyway, for the most part i kinda feel tenderized. Its funnyy cause when i was little i was always told that i would get sick when i cry, and it seems kinda true. when i get really upset about something i feel ill the next day. i've been in a fog and have blurry eyes. :(

i think i needs a nap.

10:10 and all is STILL not well...

...actually its worse. ALOT worse. :(

End of the Work Day

Work is work and we aren't even touching that one.
Plans for this evening are to work on the alpaca scarf which is almost done.

Maybe get out and go to Barnes and Nobles and look for a day planner, i feel so lost without one.
And then stop by Pier 1 which i was told was closing. Can't stay away from a good deal.

I realized today in talking to the boyfriend in regards to family issues and such, it hard for me to get self motivated. such as getting out of the house. but once i do I'm fine and you can't stop me. i guess it's just something else to work on.

5:50 am and all is not well

have you ever just woke up on the wrong side of the bed?

well, that's me this morning. i woke up angry. what a wonderful way to start out the morning.
and then on top of that i had the worst dream last night. not a nightmare. just a bad dream. and for the most part of it i was craving cigarettes and giving in to them left and right. uhg. my forth month mark of not smoking is sat. and lately the cravings are getting worse.

i wish i could just just shake all the nastiness out.

off to work.

THE To-Do List

alrighty. I'm sitting here after finish the laundry (thank you thank you please hold your applause) drinking some wine and thinking. I'm trying to think loud enough that i can drown out all external noise. not sure if it will work.

I'm pmsing and it's leaving me irrationally moody. yay for having a vagina. but seriously not all moodiness is irrational. and that would be why I'm trying to drown out the noises. so after that i think a hot shower and my book and hopefully an early bed time.

Upcoming Projects


crafts
- finish alpaca scarf
- pink/black scarf
- silver bracelet
- silver disk earrings
- baby blanket cross stitch

others
- trap stuffing back inside pillow with thread
- clean up computer
- upload photos over due
- strawberry cake
- try out a couple of bread recipes
- apron

that's it for now. honestly at this point that's alot. for the last four years i really haven't had anytime to wipe my ass from working so much. but since i recently cut down on hours and have a butt-load of free time it's time i get back into the habit or crafting. Honestly, that's my main intent with this here blog. Not for monetary gain, but the hopes of finding others and helping others who are doing the same. and alot of bitching with some pseudo-philosophy along the away.


as i embark on this new journey feel free to pass me around like a two dollar whore and join me.

Umm yeah

hours later and no laundry done. in my defense though the machine was being used and the Karate Kid was on TV. I'm the queen of lazy right now. i have to say having a Sunday to sit around and do nothing is pretty nice. the only thing better would be sitting on the floor
surrounded by pillows and blankets with hot chocolate and the boyfriend. oh and snow outside
with a nice grey sky. shame it doesn't snow here, or that its not really cold enough for a fire.

i needs to make a list of projects.
first thing first, the washer is free so laundry. quick.

Good Morning

Actually, it's afternoon and i have already been up for several hours. have i accomplished anything? no. I've been hiding out in my room. trying to stay away from the hostility. no wonder I'm always so angry.

but i did buy something extremely cute.










it's a mold for jell-o, pancakes or whatever. it's so cute.




but i think I'm going to get some lunch. one of those instant noodle things you get for a quarter. it's cheddar cheese. nom nom nom

then some laundry. boo.

Boredom

this is what i found. its awes0me. i cant sleep. http://www.zefrank.com/byokal/kal2.html

a week from today is my forth month not smoking. it seems like when im week, like now cause im run-down that i get stronger cravings. but bitchin about my craving seems to help.

Perspective from last year

you know how you feel like there are points in your life that you come to a fork in the road? and you look down the path and think "geez, do i go left or right?" well here im gonna fuck it up for you. i found out a while back that just because you see two paths a head of you doesn't mean that you only have two choices. actually you five; the left road, the right road, the one you just came from, or you could get off and make your own path (which actually changes your number of options greatly) or you can just sit your happy ass down and do nothing.
thats pretty much proof that i think way too much. so much so that i realized recently that i took the last choice. i've over contemplated my options so much over the past few years that instead of going anywhere i decided unconsciencly to settle down at that fork, i think perhapes i even built a house there. one day it would seem that i stopped worring about where to go and instead made it atleast bearable to stay in my indecision. so now i guess im at the point that im ready to leave my house, still with no clue as to where to go, but im clearing it out and am willing to leave it intact for who ever the next poor soul is that finds it.
good luck to me







ok....actually i wrote that late late 2007, so its been just over a year. I was going back reading some old stuff and found this. I like this one. It makes me think about the fact that i have gotten up off my ass and moved from that spot. Not as far as i would like to have, but at a very nice steady pace forward. Not sure where too still, honestly i dont think ill ever know where to. But im moving so that's all that matters ^_^

AHHHH The Newness

Wow, I'm pretty excited now. I just found out how you add pages you are watching to this thing. Which means i can FINALLY clean out my favorites on explore (which is ridiculously cluttered and unorganized). To me it's still coming up invisible as far as post go. But I was told it's showing to others. Go figure.

huh?

so im new to this blogger, and im trying to figure out how it works. everytime i look at my page my text isnt there until i highlight it. it reminds me of those secrete lemon juice messages you would write as a child. expect now its frustrating. so i guess im missing something and should probably read around. wish me luck, or you know, just let me know what im doing wrong.

YAY! I got my books in from the book club today!!!! I just got home from work to find a package on my door step. Four shiny new books.

- Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day
- Organic Housekeeping
- Women's Daily Devotional Bible
- Fabric Sewing Guide

I ordered about 13 books from barnes and nobles last night and i only spent 35 dollars thanks to a gift card from my brother and a huge clearance sale!As soon as i look these over I'll let you know how they are. I am really looking forward to the artisan bread, i had read an article in Mother Earth News that had one of the recipes.Well time for a quick nap before job number two.